365 Days of Health

Does anyone have a Bodybugg? What do you like/dislike about it? Would you recommend it?

I truly hope everyone had a fantastic New Year’s Eve and has a happy new year!

I spent last night with my best friend. Our NYE tradition is to go see a movie, avoid the bars, and get home at a semi-respectable hour. We saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I wish I had known it was 3 hours long, but it turned out fairly well. There were only a handful of people in the theatre (just the way I like it), and at midnight, the ladies behind us shouted, “Happy New Years!” It was a surprisingly funny way to break the tense scene on screen.

Didn’t do as well as I had planned at the movies though, I’m a sucker for movie popcorn, so I know I had far too much of that to even be remotely good for me (which, really is a single bite, since movie theatre popcorn is horrible for you).

Back on track today, thankfully. It really became clear to me at breakfast that I live in a house full of enablers. I live with my parents and sister while I’m going to college, which is great financially, but sucks health-wise. Breakfast for them was french toast and bacon. And all I could think was, “Three of the four people in this house are overweight. Two are definitely obese. THIS is what you’re making for breakfast?!”

I was just grateful I had the egg beaters (which, btw, is SO gross, I can’t get over the artificial ingredients, so I think I’m going to stick to egg whites + one whole egg) and turkey bacon. I needed a little extra protein this morning, so I also had 4 ounces of the gorgeous NY strips that I picked up on Friday and cooked yesterday. This just makes it incredibly clear to me that preparation is REALLY going to be key to staying on track. 

I have some great meals planned for this week, which I’m really excited about. Doing steak with my big salads this week instead of chicken. I also made the most delightful Moroccan chicken (230 calories for a 1.5 cup serving! And no fake crap!), it’s spicy and sour and generally a warming meal for winter. I’ll be putting it on top of pureed cauliflower instead of rice.

Today, and yesterday evening, were hard. Depression isn’t something you take a couple of magic pills for and everything suddenly gets better. It’s a day-to-day process. It isn’t just being unhappy. 

I’m up against a lot right now, leaving a job that I’ve had for four years and a company that I’ve worked for for almost seven. I’ve been with this company for nearly my entire adult life. It’s become a part of who I am, and it is the main portion of my self-identity. “I am an analyst,” is usually one of the first things I tell people. I can’t even say that I’m leaving for a better offer at another company. I’m leaving because the department I was transferred to last year makes me absolutely miserable and the stress is unbearable. 

It wasn’t until my doctor diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and anxiety that I made the decision to leave. And I feel guilty doing so. Most people my age, hell pretty much anyone, would kill for the job I have in this economy. Especially considering that I only have a high school diploma (in university for my bachelors) and the job isn’t sales. I feel like a quitter even though I know this job is killing me. 

I….don’t have much else to say. 

I used to do Weight Watchers at work and Fridays were always ‘weigh in’ day. So in sticking to that tradition, I will be weighing in every Friday! (Technically, I weigh in every morning, but I don’t put much stock into the inevitable fluctuations). 

My original weigh-in was on Christmas Eve, when I topped at a whopping 279 lbs. And resisted the urge to cry.

Today, I stand at 273.2 lbs.

I’m excited by the almost 6lb loss, but I also realize the bulk of that is probably water weight. But! I’m still that much closer to my goal, and I feel like dancing!

On one hand, last night’s dinner was a crash-and-burn calorie-wise.

Bacon-wrapped dates, a beautiful mixed greens salad, and a divine black-and-blue ribeye.

NOT waist-line friendly. I was craving a good steak (partially because I think I’m low on iron) and the idea of indulging took over. Mostly lack of self-control. But, I’m not going to beat myself up over it, I’m just going to have to get back on track. Because that’s what life is about: balance.

Update: I actually didn’t do as bad as I had thought! Even with the glass of wine, I only went over my calorie range by 250 calories (I’m assuming they butter-glaze their steaks). YAY! (Still have to balance it out though.)

I’ve been missing balance a lot in my life. Between work, school, and home, I haven’t had any real ‘me’ time. Or even any true ‘down’ time. The stress I’ve been under at work for the past year finally really hit home when I saw my doctor at the beginning of this month with a list of symptoms, and I walked out with a prescription for an anti-depression med and an anti-anxiety med. Apparently, shortness of breath + pain/tightness in my chest + dizziness + nausea = panic attack. 

I was baffled and blown away. I thought I was stronger than that. But what I learned is that it isn’t about strength or lack thereof. It means I’m human.

But, what I’ve drawn from all of this is that even though I’m human, it doesn’t mean I’m just human. Because to put it like that makes it sound like a bad thing. I have to assume my own strength, not my frailty. 

A friend of mine, also a paleo eater, told me today that I was a ‘backwards paleo.’ I wasn’t quite sure how to take this, so I asked her what she meant. Apparently, I don’t eat enough meat to be a ‘real’ paleo eater. So in a gist, I eat vegetables with a side of meat instead of meat with a side of vegetables. Probably 3/4ths of my diet is vegetables and 1/4th protein. Which still makes me scratch my head. Mostly, I think this is because we have two completely different lifestyles. Right now, mine is more sedentary than hers (looking forward to changing that), but she has a physically demanding job + works out 3-4x a week. But, I’m a backwards paleo. I don’t eat a ton of bacon, I don’t eat a ton of meat (I eat my fair share, but not pounds of the stuff), and I love my veggies.

This is going to sound weird, so consider yourself warned.

I feel awkward eating typical ‘diet’ food in front of others (even though I love salads any other time). Where I work (7 days and counting until my last day!), the social environment is very much like high school. Everyone is in everyone else’s business whether or not they know them. And dieting here is like cocaine use in Pulp Fiction: rampant and gratuitous. 

For example, I was sitting in the lunch room, playing with my phone, and I had just finished my awesome salad (I like BIG salads with lots of veggies). I use lemon juice instead of salad dressings because I loathe the artificial crap you find in 95% of all low-cal dressings. I’m pretty liberal with lemon juice so there is always a pool of it at the bottom. Some random stranger came up to me and says, “You should use less dressing, it’s high in fat. You’ll never lose weight that way.”

Wait. 

WHAT?!

First and foremost, it’s LEMON JUICE. 

Second…..NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS!

If I want to drink salad dressing from the bottle, I’m a grown-ass adult and can do so. Piss off!

Anyways. I feel awkward eating salads in front of others. Much the same way I felt embarrassed buying NRT patches to quit smoking. People seem to think they are allowed to throw in their 2 cents unsolicited. I’m not sure where that became socially acceptable. If I bring up the subject, then yeah, let’s talk! If not…STFU.